is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you never un-have a 4some
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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