she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can I color on your dick again?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
