my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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