I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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