what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
