conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
