You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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