tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
