shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
