Sponge bath it is.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
