3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
