I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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