I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
