My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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