Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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