I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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