Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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