If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
