at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
