i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
