Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
