remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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