remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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