okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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