Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
