I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
