y did u give ur computer a hand job?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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