I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
