I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
