We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
