just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
