it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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