you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
