I smell stomach acid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
