if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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