on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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