Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
