he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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