South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So many bounce houses so little time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
