At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
