Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
