shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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