That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
