I'm drive I can fine osifer
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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