guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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