my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i think i just lost a toe
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
