Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
