My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
