Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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