So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
