a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
