Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize