I can tuck mytits in my pants
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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