i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
