foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
