I love black thongs
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
